Wednesday, 2 November 2011

On the Downside

Spencer was a hunter. "A god damned urban hunter!" he imagined his non-existent Chief Super shouting. He had been on the trail for years, playing the long game. The god damned long game. The scent he'd picked up in his university days and never let go. He was a terrier, a god damned urban long game terrier.

It was just a detail. It's all about the detail. A wink. Yes, a wink. People actually wink, at least this man in handcuff's did. With a police hand guiding his head into the car he turned slightly to face the local councilman whose house he'd just failed to burgle and winked. Councilman Roger Trout turned away but not before a heavy flush burst across his cheek.

In spite of the fact that they later found a loaded gun, hastily discarded in a herb garden, all charges were dropped. The press reported it as a process cock up by the police but Spencer knew better. Until he was found out and formally cautioned, he posed as a journalist and questioned police and witnesses alike. No two could tell a matching story. Even the burglar's name was in question: Barney Fullwell, Barney Fallow, Barry Fillowy, Bardem Fillway, Bellow Fisley. One neighbour insisted on Billy the Fish: "Nah mate, 'round 'ear 'e's always been Billy the Fish". Whoever he was, he disappeared immediately upon release.

Councilman Roger Trout, on the other hand, became Roger Trout, Member of Parliament for Bermondsey and Old Southwark. When Spencer raised the subject of the botched burglary at the MP's weekly surgery an assistant appeared from nowhere and shepherded him away. Spencer came to in a gutter, bruises all down one side of his body. He'd been following Trout home when they jumped him.

This was when Spencer, the god damned urban wolf was born. He was a god damned wolf. A burglary, a wink, a gun and a beating. That's the recipe. That's the recipe for wolf. Wolf eats trout. Yeah, wolf eats Trout. This god damned urban long game wolf operates alone, prowls south of the river. No, this god damned urban long game wolf operates under the river to catch the trout, Billy the Fish, catch the trout. This submarinatic, no, this subaquatic god damned urban long game wolf is on the prowl, is on the scent. Burglary wink gun beating trout fish trout subaquatic god damned urban long game wolf.

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