Meteoric

Rapid advances in neuroscience led to an unpredicted sales phenomenon in the run up to Christmas 2012. The Vazon Procedure (VP) outsold even the Harry Potter prequel. The book, a project forced on its author by a record breaking fine from HMRC, had a mammoth first weekend but tailed off by the end of November. The VP on the other hand gained momentum as a result of word of mouth, or tweet. This despite its not inconsiderable price tag, even after offsetting available corporate sponsorship.

It was signed off remarkably quickly by the BMC. Few doubt that its progress was oiled by certain parties because the technology was manufactured in the north of England, injecting much need investment in that part of the country. Robert Scose, creator of the procedure, had refused to sign any contract allowing the possibility that operations could be relocated more than 50 miles from his home town of Sunderland.

The procedure could be performed under local anaesthetic and involved a simple bit of rewiring. Its procedure led to a sea change in the Philosophy of Mind. Through just four adapted connections our senses could be realigned; non-redundant synesthesia. Sounds now appeared to us visually, and sights manifested as sounds. Smell and taste became similar to, if not quite identical with, our previous experience of touch, and vice versa.

The vast majority of sales were of the basic version (VP1.2) reversing just sight and sound. This was for one simple reason; most of the things we touch, it turns out, stink (or at least they appear to us as unpleasant smells). VP1.2 though was found to be exceedingly pleasurable. The street value of drugs dropped by 50% or more as demand waned. Arrest rates in the capital reached an all time low since records began.

Though certain religious leaders have condemned VP as unnatural, secular scholars have pointed to it as another error in god's handiwork, another eye wired backwards. Other critics point to the Huxleyesque gulf that this simple utopia opens up with the developing world. The procedure may be simple but the patent is ferociously protected by the parent company.

Futurology is a notoriously error prone discipline and there is little agreement on what happens next. It remains to be heard whether VP is any more than a fad, a disposable craze like the Christmas number one of last year: 'Never Heard Eyes Like Yours (I just want to see your voice and touch your lips, hear you sigh and taste your hips)'