Dance of Legends

Staring into the pinstriped arse of an overweight city worker, two young professionals yell above the noise of the Bakerloo Line.

"He's just really lovely. He's like my gay best friend. We always say that. People always say we look like a lovely couple but we're just holding hands and stuff and we just look at each other and laugh and I'd say, you're like my gay best friend, and he'd say, yeah I should be gay. When we do our sleepovers his house mates are always like, aye aye, but we just laugh and stuff. I mean he's really cute and everything but nothing could ever happen because he's like my gbf and all. Is this our stop?"

"No next one. So is he seeing anyo...oww that's my toe! Oi, yeah, that's my toe. You will be, fat bast...So is he seeing anyone?"

"No, he doesn't really date much which is crazy 'cause he is hot and sweet like that song: Oh, oh, oh! You is hot and you sweet! Oh, oh yeah! We're always singing that when we're ou... shit here we go."

As the train judders to a halt, the 100% cotton arse shifts to re-adjust itself before the lights die. There is a period of silence before a general shuffling preceeds the emergence of iPhone screens dancing like fireflies.

"So he's single then?"

"Yeah but I know what you're thinking and it would be weird. He's my gbf. Besides I thought you were seei.."

"Ladies and gentlemen this the driver speaking. Apologies for the inconvenience but we stopped for a red signal and we it now appear to have lost power. I'm sure we'll be up and running again shortly."

"Nah it wasn't working out. I mean he was hot and all, and we got on really well, like really well, but it turned out he was a bit of prick. You know we were going to that thing on the weekend? Well at the end of the night he started saying all this crazy stuff about when he was younger and, you know, trying to justify himself and that but I wasn't sure why he was telling me all that stuff and I was like, I don't give a shit, and he was like, but I've got to tell you and I thought he was going to cry or something and I was like, jesus will someone get me out of this..."

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the driver speaking. Apologies once again for the inconvenience. I've just heard from the control room on the backup radio and I'm afraid that the problem is worse than I hoped. I've been advised that the Underground is over. The tube will no longer be running. TFL is aware that this will be frustrating for most of its valued customers but we suggest that some comfort might be taken from the fact that you have participated in what will be seen as an historic event: the final journey. No doubt the history books, read by our friends and relatives, will remember us proudly. Thank you for travelling with us on the Bakerloo line. We hope you have enjoyed your journey with us today."