Tuesday 15 November 2011

Centenary Auction

The decision was unilateral and made without protest from his various advisors, already departed, or even Chief Aid Sir Rathbone-Dan. In the aftermath of the infamous family party of New Year's Eve 2012 there were whisperings in newsrooms around the country that Charles, Prince of Wales was having personal problems and it is a testament to the abilities of Rathbone-Dan that whisperings was all it was.

Since that day the banquet hall had been occupied by Charles, Prince of Wales alone. All attempts at negotiation had failed. Servants were chased off with a swing of a sixteenth century broadsword and an expletive. The rest of the family had gone their seperate ways for another year. Rathbone-Dan was left to look on as the Prince danced up and down the long table playing keepy uppies with the one balloon to have survived the festivities. Day after day Rathbone-Dan stood in the doorway watch the shrivelling red vessel propelled into the air by a knee, a bare foot or a head. The Prince delivered a mumbled running commentary as he played, but he was no match for physics.

When the morning came that Rathbone-Dan found his master slumped in the corner of the room with the deflated ballon flat on his knee, he approached at last.

"We are leaving London Dan, as of right now."

"Where shall we go sir?"

"We have left already Dan. We are no longer in London."

"Yes sir."

"Within these walls we are no longer in London. There are boundaries and I have moved them. This room is outside London. Oh, I know, I know: They will complain. They always complain. They will say the space is theirs. They are wrong but nontheless we will humour them, if they value it so highly. Instruct them to raise the city."

"To do what sir?"

"To raise the city Dan. To raise the city."

"To the ground sir?"

"Of course not Dan! How would that help? No, raise it upwards! This hall is 40 feet by 40 feet by 20 feet. That's 32,000 cubic feet. London is 600 square miles, give or take. That's 16,727,040,000 square feet. So, to recover their precious space they can raise the height of the city by 0.00000191 feet. Call it 0.000002 feet to be sure."

"Yes sir."

"Now, Dan, be a good fellow and pop across the border for some balloons. Get me proper round ones mind, none of those sausage types."

No comments:

Post a Comment