The Portly Traveller

"Perhaps he really was a time traveller. All I know is that I didn't have any spare change."

When Douglas G. Arthur gave evidence in the case of the Knightsbridge strangler his evidence was confused and, in the end, struck from the record. Until he set foot in the court room he had never laid eyes on the accused. His testimony was purely intended to establish where the accused wasn't, and when.

The accused wasn't in the beer garden of the Earl of Lonsdale at 23.30 on the 24th October as he'd claimed, neither was he in the deserted Sainsbury car park on Ladbroke Grove at 01.15 on the 25th October. Douglas G. Arthur was in these places though he was, as previously reported, confused.

He had left the pub alone, he believed, but by the time he reached the supermarket he had company. He also had no coat. The walking companion was male. The accused was female. He was sure of that. It took three hours of questioning to get these tiny scraps of information out of Douglas A. Arthur.

I remember thinking that night that Douglas A. Arthur was hilariously drunk but now, watching proceedings from the gallery, I'm convinced he was just confused.